The Smoke: An Urban Country Diary

Stuff

Versatile concept that can refer to anything, from a 1970s football bubblegum card with a picture of Leeds United's Peter Lorimer on the front, to emotional issues or programming languages. 

Computer

Plastic box with a screen, that buzzes at night. Has wires inside. You can type stuff into it. Sometimes it goes dead and you want to smash it to pieces.

Pentax Optio S4 digital camera

Tiny sliver of camera hardware that's smaller than a fag packet. It's lovely, but the controls are hard to operate if you've got farmer's finger (like my wife and I).

Football

Two teams of eleven players* each try to kick a ball into their opponents' goal over two forty five minute periods.

* Hard drinking slapheads who love drinking, gambling and snooker.

The internet

Loads of computers joined together that enables you to buy all kinds of stuff like cameras, books, old guitars, holidays and life insurance while dwelling over pictures of Britney Spears.